I love my job, but...

Today was hard. As my supervisor put it, I had some very human mistakes. I also had situations that I had no control over that I had to deal with; by the time I left school, they were all worked out, but it still made for a long day. When I got back, I was exhausted, but I still had several hours of work to do. I have, however, come up with a good plan for dealing with days like this.

1. Get in bed and wallow for at least 30 minutes in the fact that I had a bad day.

2. Call my mommy and explain what happened.

3. Have a piece of dark chocolate.

4. Sit back and look at each situation analytically to figure out how that can be avoided in the future.

5. Get out of bed.

6. Leave the room and decide that when I come back, all negativity towards the day is gone.

Surprisingly enough, that worked! I left for dinner and came back about an hour and a half later with a pillbox, toothpaste, a copy of Real Simple and some post-it notes with an "M" on them and I was ready to settle back into work. And suddenly, it's easier for me to remember, in the words of Robert Browning, that "God's in his heaven; all's right with the world."

My name is Maggie and I'm a Mac

So I jumped on the bandwagon yesterday and bought a MacBook. My MC-issued computer finally wouldn't get on the internet (actually, it wouldn't do anything but restart) and I decided it was time to take the plunge and all sorts of other cliches. I went over to the mall with my grandfather, who had never experienced anything quite like the Apple store. We had a nice afternoon and I realized, after I bought it, that this was the second time in a month that I'd dropped $1000 at a time! Not a good habit to get into!

Jack being silly in PhotoBooth... this is his "thinking look," as he informed me!

I have to say: I love Apple products. This computer (in the 24 hours I've had it) has already made so much sense as far as how things work. Once I'm not quite so tired, I'll synthesize my thoughts a little better... this will probably make it into this week's "Things I Love Thursday"

Things I Love Thursday: inaugural edition

I've decided that I need some kind of regular blog feature in order to keep me posting; the thing that made the most sense to me is to write about the things that I love. I won't be compensated for anything that I mention; these are just truly the things that are making my life easier/more fun at the moment, hence inspiring my love!

Here are the 5 top things I am loving this week, in no particular order.

1. North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell

I received this book as a gift for Christmas 2008 and I waited to read it until last week. BIG mistake! I was engrossed in the story for a couple of days; I had to stretch out my usual reading time because of a teaching run to Atlanta/Athens, so I didn't have a whole lot of time. That being said, it was totally worth every minute I spent reading. The only quibble I have with the book is that the ending is a little rushed, but Gaskell originally published the story serially, so apparently her publishers hurried her along and she wasn't entirely thrilled with the way the ending turned out. It takes a little getting used to, just because it is Victorian and the style of writing is a little different. My plan for the next week is to watch the BBC version on my instant Netflix, so I'll report back on how it compares to the book. However, if it's good, and the BBC usually does a good job, it might be worth it to start there.

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2. Riesenthel Baroque Basket

My aunt and uncle gave me this basket for a graduation gift and as I've begun my summer of teaching, it has been invaluable. First of all, it's sturdy, so it can handle being filled and carted from my car to my classroom, back to my car, into my house, back to the car... you get the picture. Secondly, it's roomy; right now, it's holding a ream of paper, a photo box full of my teaching supplies (crayons, pencils, markers, eraser, scissors, pencil sharpener, Post-it notes and tape), bandages, handsanitizer, Luna bars (but I'll get to those in a minute!), and my waterbottle and there's still some room to spare! I think that next year when I'm in Charleston this will make a wonderful basket for visiting the Farmer's Market!

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3. Pilates

I chose this book as my visual for Pilates because, well, you don't want to see me on the floor in my sweatpants attempting that move. Also, my Pilates instructor last semester in my elective PE used this book and I've been referring back to it lately. I'm finding with spending a lot of time on the road and on my feet teaching, it's nice to have something to stretch me out and relax me at the end of the day. The beautiful thing about this book is that you don't need anything but a mat; I usually don't carry mine with me because my suitcase is a little too small, but I improvise with the extra blankets that hotel rooms usually have. After driving for a couple of hours, nothing feels better than stretching out all my limbs; plus, I'm sleeping better. I think I would have been intimidated if I had just gone out and bought this book and tried to teach myself, but it's a really good resource as a refresher from the class I took.

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4. This book journal by Paperchase

This book journal was also a graduation gift, given to me by my sweet cousin in California; we trade book suggestions via text message, which I happen to think is fantastic! It's got some space in the front for book reviews, then quite a few pages for "Books to Read," followed by a ledger for for "Books Borrowed/Lent." It's simple and streamlined and very comfortable to use. I've got the first page of the "Books to Read" section filled up about halfway with things that I want to read; I've actually gotten to two of them. I've started carrying this journal around with me, though, which is a bit unusual for me. It is, though, very practical and it's not too big, so I can leave it in my car if I don't have room in my purse (my family's teasing me about "cluttering up" my new car with books. Books? Clutter? Not possible!).
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5. Caramel Nut Brownie Luna bars

This protein bar is the best of its kind that I have ever tasted. The caramel is slightly salty, the brownie part is fudgy, the nut bits are teeny-tiny and don't get stuck in your teeth-it's perfection! And only 180 calories! Excuse me while I faint. Not to harp on about being a teacher (have you noticed? I'm teaching this summer! And I love it!), but this is a perfect pick-me-up between classes or while driving long distances. I usually get a box of 15 at Trader Joe's, but you can get them individually at Trader Joe's and places like Target, Walmart, Kroger, and Whole Foods (at least in my area).

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So there you have it! My 5 favorite things for this week!

Beginning Teaching

In which our Heroine successfully teaches three classes, gets hit upon by the night manager at her hotel, navigates Greenville in the rain and finds a Target where she purchases, among other things, a bubble umbrella.

(Side note: perhaps I need to lay off the 19th century novels for a bit!)

I love my job. I'm exhausted after day 2 of teaching, but I love it. This is what I was born to be. I was really nervous about my adult class, but it went well; it's small, but everyone worked really hard, which was encouraging to me. I had my little kids today; they're really funny. I had one little boy who wanted to tell me all about his dog-most of them are pretty shy, though. I'm amazed at how easily I slip into the role of teacher; it's definitely a lot more natural than I thought it would be. Tomorrow, I have 3rd graders, a 4th-5th grade mixed class, and a middle school class. I'm not really sure what to expect with them, but I'm looking forward to it nonetheless.

As mentioned above, last night was weird. I realized that I had forgotten to pack toothpaste, so I went down to ask the manager for some. I was already in my sweats, wearing (what else?) a Meredith t-shirt, so when he asked me where I was from, I didn't think anything of it. I told him, and he goes "No, really?"

Thinking that was odd, I replied "Yes, really."

He responded "I would have sworn you were Portuguese or something"

My thoughts at this point: Portuguese?!?!? Um.... what?

My response: "Nope, both of my parents are Irish."

"Well, whatever it is, you wear it well. You're a pretty girl."

And then I walked away, toothpaste in hand, puzzling over the bizarreness of the encounter.

My last adventure (so far) has been driving in Greenville. This evening when I got back from dinner, my Twitter update read: Reason #45067 I will always be an MCG: my innate ability to find a Target in a strange city, no matter how lost I get there otherwise. I had been hoping I could find Target or a drugstore or something because I've had this sore throat since I got here and today's nasty rain didn't help at all. Sure enough, as I found somewhere to eat, I noticed a Target, so I ran in after eating and bought a DayQuil/NyQuil combo pack, some throat lozenges, a clear bubble umbrella (which I've been wanting for the longest time), and some dark chocolate. Hey, a girl has to celebrate a successful first week of teaching, right?

Now I'm in bed, getting ready to go over my lessons for tomorrow one more time. I teach all day tomorrow, then drive home in the evening and on Friday, I fly to Atlanta to teach all day Saturday and fly home Saturday night. I'm going to sleep all day Sunday, I do believe. Good thing I love my job so much!

Grownup life is... interesting

So, I bought a car this weekend. It looks like this:

That is not my car, though, but it essentially looks the same (picture acquired from here). I feel like I've officially entered the grownup world, as I now have monthly car payments and insurance payments. Which is OK, since I have a job.

Speaking of that job, I start in the classroom tomorrow. The pre-teaching jitters have begun in a major way already. I think part of it's because my first class is adult students and I'm worried about being too young. I've talked about this ad nauseam with my supervisor, who keeps reminding me that I am qualified for this job. I just have a horrible tendency to undercut my abilities. I'm trying to keep in mind, though, that I am a performer; I've gotten up on stage countless times and sung for crowds of strangers-heck, I did a solo for generals at the Pentagon! So why I am so worried about teaching 7 strangers how to improve their reading? Go figure. But I do know this: a little performance anxiety is good. Nerves mean that I'll have an adrenaline rush when class starts and, though I'll be absolutely exhausted after 2 and 1/2 hours, I'll be sharp and focused. And then the next day when I have my babies (no really, I have 4 and 5 year olds the next morning), I should be good. Little ones are easy! Really, though, it will be good tomorrow, I think. I know the material really well and I have pretty good classroom presence, or so I've been told. Updates to follow!

On being a teacher

This morning, I had a wonderful breakfast/visit with my friend Kiran. She's a sweet girl who's just getting ready to start her senior year at my alma mater (which still sounds weird) as an English/Theater major. We've known each other for a while, but really bonded last semester in Chaucer; she was the one who showed me a Youtube video before class that made me laugh so hard I literally cried while sitting on the floor howling. Kiran rocks!

After our delicious breakfast at The Flying Biscuit, I did a few errands and then went to Tar-jay for my classroom supplies. I start next week as a summer teacher for the Institute for Reading Development and I could not be more excited. I filled my basket with teachery things: a massive box of crayons, paper, scissors, tape, hand sanitizer, bandaids, pencils, pencil sharpener, pretty-colored dry erase markers and erasers... teacher things. As I was checking out, the cashier remarked "Oh, you must be a teacher."

I started to reply "No," but then caught myself. "Yes ma'am, I am. Just stocking up on classroom supplies."

"Do you teach year-round? There's not usually much call for this stuff in June."

"No, I'm actually preparing to teach summer enrichment classes."

That was the end of our chat, but it made me realize something that I don't think had sunk in yet. I am a teacher. A real, live, trained teacher. And just because I don't have a teaching license from the state doesn't mean that my work will be any less valid. In fact, I think there are 2 important facts about my work this summer.

1) I've been trained for it. Sounds obvious, but it's not like they're throwing me in there with a bunch of books and kids and saying "Good luck (you'll need it)!" I've been working quite intensively since the middle of May to prepare for this and I think I'm pretty ready.

2) I love books and reading. Those two things combined are the whole reason why I'm doing this job (although monetary compensation is also nice) and because the point of this is to pass that love on, I think I'm going to be good at it. Scratch that. I know I will be. Because when I did my in-person training, I had 25 strangers giving me feedback and they all told me that I was a teacher. They had no reason to lie to me, so why should I lie to myself? All I have to do is trust my gut and follow the lesson plans and I'll be good. I'm doing what I love and I love what I'm doing (so far, anyways!), which is a recipe for success. And the thing that I keep thinking is: "How cool is this that I get paid to read with other people and help them love what I love?!?"

It's going to be a good summer

God, Divine Goodness, and Conversion

"We want, in fact,a not so much a Father in Heaven as a grandfather in heaven--a senile benevolence who, as they say, 'liked to see young people enjoying themselves', and whose plan for the universe was simply that it might be truly said at the end of each day, 'a good time was had by all'" (31).

-C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

On Sunday night, I was very tired and a little down in the dumps. Not depressed at all, but just feeling like I could burst into tears at any moment. I decided that what I needed was some quiet time with Jesus, so I went with my dad to his adoration hour at the Perpetual Adoration chapel in the next town. I brought with me Lewis' The Problem of Pain, not because of my aforementioned mood, but because some dear family friends gave it to me for graduation and I wanted to read it. And I'd already started it and was ready to read some more; it's one of those books that begs for me to respond to it through underlining, notes in the margins, and lots of thought. Plus it seemed like a good book to meditate on.

The chapter I read on Sunday was titled "Divine Goodness"-the quote above comes from that chapter. That particular quote stood out to me because, as Lewis says, I don't think many people would quite format their theological views like that, but it seems to be a pretty prevalent idea nowadays. And to resist that idea of God is difficult at times: why would He not want us to be happy doing whatever? Lewis answers that question a few pages later. He talks about kindness and love, saying that while there is kindness in love, they are not interchangeable terms. Lewis then says that

It is for people whom we care nothing about that we demand happiness on any terms: with our friends, our lovers, our children, we are exacting and would rather see them suffer much than be happy in contemptible and estranging modes. If God is Love, He is, by definition, something more than mere kindness. And it appears from all the records, that though He has often rebuked us and condemned us, He has never regarded us with contempt. He has paid us the intolerable compliment of loving us, in the deepest, most tragic, most inexorable sense. (33).

Why do I bring this up? Well, it's because I've been grappling with something for some time. You see, I love conversion stories. I love reading them and hearing about them face to face. There's something about the deeply personal aspect of listening to them; I feel like I really get to know the other person in a more intimate way than otherwise. My only problem? I'm a cradle Catholic, baptized as an infant, raised in the Church all my life... I don't have a conversion story to tell. Or at least, I didn't think I did.

That particular chapter of The Problem of Pain made me realize, though, that I have become a bit complacent in my spiritual life, something that isn't good. I'm an adult, and a confirmed one too, so I need to be responsible for my spiritual life and make adjustments if it's not where it should be. Easy? Not always, but that's what a loving God requires of us: that we daily die to self in order to become transformed into images of Him through grace. And so I've come to realize that, while I may not be the one sheep out of the 99 who has a dramatic story, that's OK. My conversions come in small ways, quietly, and I'm not often inclined to share them. But the overarching point is that I do have them. My task, then, is to respond to my loving God.

Mass attire

Well, I'm feeling like a failure as a blogger. It's been 3 weeks since my last post; though, in my defense, I've been really busy. I'll catch up on life and all that at some point, but I read a really thought-provoking article this morning and wanted to share.

The article, "Adore the Lord in Holy Attire-On Proper Dress for Mass" by Monsignor Charles Pope, can be found here. Msgr. Pope's whole premise is that our culture, which has by and large become a very casual culture, has lost our respect for important occasions. He says that "Here in America we have become extremely casual about the way we dress for just about everything. It seems we almost never dress up anymore. This has changed somewhat dramatically in my own life time of just less than 50 years." Now, I'm only 22, but I do understand where he's coming from. In my own family, my parents have always made a point of having us dress nicely for Mass; in fact, I don't think I've gone to Sunday Mass without nylons since I was about 11 or 12. My younger brothers all wear khakis or dress pants and either a polo shirt or a button-down shirt and tie, as does my father. The only exception is younger brother #1, who is at a military college and therefore often wears his dress uniform when he's home. My mother and I wear skirts or dress and generally make an effort to look as nice as possible. This is pretty typical for my parish, but it isn't always for every parish.

Now, Msgr. Pope doesn't say that everyone ought to be wearing the most expensive clothes available, but rather that we ought to always dress in a way that makes us aware of why we go to church, to receive Jesus in the Eucharist. He says "Going to God’s house IS important. Being ministered to by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords is astounding." And he's right. We ought to dress in a way that makes us reflect on the extreme importance of the One whom we are going to receive. But here's the cool part about being Catholic: that doesn't mean the same thing everywhere. Like I said, in my parish, everyone dresses as nicely as they can, but for the Igbo people from Nigeria, that means their traditional dress: dresses with headdresses for the women, pants and tunics for the men, all highly embroidered and colorful. For the Montagnard people from Vietnam, it means, again, traditional dress. Most of the rest of the community dresses in traditional Western dress clothes, but the point is that it's totally possible to express individuality and culture within the body of the Church.

In the Latin rite, today is the Solemnity of the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ, also known as Corpus Christi. Our homily today was about the transformative power of the Eucharist; the visiting priest talked about how when we eat regular food, we take what the animals and plants were and change it into what we are, but when we receive the Eucharist, if we are properly prepared, Jesus makes us more like him. He said that "Animals and plants feed us for a day or a week, but Jesus feeds us for all eternity." And that, truly, is something worth dressing up for.