Learning patience

Me with Father Tony at his ordination 2 years ago

I am not, by nature, a patient person. I like to have answers quickly and I like to plan out my life. This has worked out pretty well for me so far: I always knew that after high school, I would go to college and, by my junior year of high school, I even had my college and major picked out. However, lately, it has been a different story. I start my senior year 2 weeks from today and I have no idea what the future has in store for me. This is turning into a time of serious discernment through prayer; do I go to graduate school or look for a teaching job? Do I start trying to write professionally (and about what???) or do I look for a temporary job that will allow me more time to figure things out? So many options...

And yet, I ought to be thankful that I have options. Some of my friends are Teaching Fellows for our state, which means that when they graduate in May, they owe the state 4 years of teaching for the scholarship that they received to help them pay for college. The public schools in this state are not the greatest; in fact, I live in one of the best counties for public schooling, but that doesn't guarantee that every school is good. Not to mention the fact that a lot of schools are going through a hiring freeze, so it may be difficult for some of these girls to find jobs once they have diplomas.

My family had dinner with a priest friend of ours, Father Tony, the other week and at some point, the conversation came around to jobs. Father made the comment that some jobs require you to be "cunning as a serpent, but gentle as a dove," and for some reason, this resonated with me. Does that mean that I am supposed to be cunning but gentle as a high school teacher in one of the private schools in my town (one diocesan and one independent), or does it mean that I need to be in a university setting doing graduate work? I have no clearer idea, but this is the thing that has become abundantly clearer: I. NEED. TO. TRUST.

Crazy, isn't it? Who would have thought that that would be the answer? I read a quote earlier today in which the person was talking about another topic, but I think it works well here too: "I said that [trusting] was simple. I didn't say that it was easy." Often, I believe, what I focus on is the easy answers, not the simple ones. And yet, at every other point in my life, when I felt like I was going to have to make a decision without having any idea which option was the better one, I was shown the way. It will be this way with this decision as well. I will know when I need to know and not before. Again, a simple answer, but not an easy one.

On a side note, this film from Grassroots Films is, I believe a great reminder in this Year of the Priest about why we need our priests (the title is Fishers of Men)

Part I: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9a1DpmCDuc

Part II: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_SXSpzx4hY