Alum life

Me and my wonderful parents at my graduation party

Well, I've been an alumna for exactly 7 days now. It's kind of like a birthday: I don't feel different, but I know that something's changed. I don't think it will really hit me until August, when I don't move back here and start classes again. Yesterday was Reunion Weekend here and I was giving a bunch of alumnae from the 80s an apartment tour. One asked when I would graduate, to which I shyly responded, "Well, I graduated last weekend. I'm class of 2010." She shrieked "You're one of us! Congratulations!" I hadn't really thought of it like that before. I am an alumna. Strange.

Graduation weekend was wonderful. The baccalaureate service was very lovely; our speaker, a Methodist minister/alumna (we like to keep it in the family around here!) talked about Lydia in the New Testament and how, as we go out into the world, we should be women of faith and women of purpose, just like Lydia. That afternoon we had Class Day, where the seniors and sophomores donned our white dresses and gathered in the amphitheater to recap our 4 years here and celebrate sisterhood. That was the first time I really cried; standing on the island, waiting to take apart the daisy chains that formed our numerals, I was holding Louisa's hand, with Hillary on her other side and it hit all three of us at the same time. Imagine the three of us, standing there, holding on to each other with all our might and sobbing because the realization that we'd be right back there the next day to take our diplomas and leave came upon us that suddenly.

Graduation morning dawned bright and early. I did lose my tassel on the way to line up, but my friend VC found it and gave it back :). My name was spelled right on my diploma (magna cum laude, too!), I remembered to shake Dr. Hartford's hand before I took the diploma from her, I didn't fall on the island, and I got the biggest hugs from my advisor and our class advisor. The graduation party was a lot of fun too; part of my family, who didn't go to the ceremony (we had a LOT of people in town), went to the shelter early to set up and they did a beautiful job. We ate, laughed, took lots of pictures: all in all, it was perfect.

And now I'm an alumna. It still sounds so strange. I'm in the process of moving out of MC for the last time (!!) and training for my new job. I'm going to be a reading teacher this summer, but before I get into the classroom, there is three weeks of intensive training that I have to go through. I'm on day 4 of week 1 and it is a lot, but I think I'm going to enjoy it. This whole being (almost) a grownup thing is a little scary, though. Mostly exciting and just a little scary.

5 days

I'm a bit melancholy tonight. I cried for the first time (like big cry) about graduation. And I miss Ireland. I really want to go back, but that's just not in my immediate future. Which makes me want to cry again. So instead, I'm looking through my study abroad pictures and making a resolution to go back just as soon as I have a little money.

This one's one of my favorites; it's an alley in Waterford. I didn't do any editing on the picture. It just turned out with this cool fade-into-black effect.

EDIT: It probably didn't help my Ireland-sickness that I watched P.S. I Love You last night with my roommates. Not that the movie's really about Ireland. But there was plenty of beautiful countryside and pretty touristy towns, enough to make me wish I was there again.

10th Night

Me and my roommates at dinner tonight

Here at MC, home of crazy and wonderful and beautiful traditions, we have a special night for seniors. Usually it's 100 nights + the numeral of the year in which you're graduation (i.e., last year was 109th night). For our class, though, we decided to make it 10 nights before graduation (since we're the class of 2010. And just for the record, it is always pronounced "twenty ten" pleaseandthankyou). So, tonight was 10th night. We had a lovely dinner, a speaker, and took a zillion pictures because that's what we do. We laughed, we cried, we talked, and as I looked around the room at the women I've known for the last four years (some for fewer), I marveled at how far I've come.

You see, I arrived at Meredith not knowing anyone except my future roommate; we'd met twice. I was quiet and shy and, even though this school is only a few minutes from my house, I felt like I was going a million miles away. All my friends from high school had gone to other schools and for the first time in my life, I was starting over, not knowing anyone here. A sweet girl by the name of Katie who came and sat down next to me and introduced herself. 4 years later and we're still friends.

I've grown and changed so much in the past 4 years. I came in expecting to graduate engaged and get married shortly after graduation; graduate school or a teaching career were never on my radar. Here I am, 10 days out from graduation, with no engagement ring on my finger. But that's OK. I'm happy with who I am and where I am, which is more important than checking something off my "to-do list" for life. I trust that the right man is out there and I'll find him when I'm supposed to. But I'm not supposed to yet (otherwise, I'd have that ring! Ha!)

When I came to Meredith, I had no idea that I'd develop the relationships with my professors that I have. Even if they're not in my department, they've been loving and supportive. At the beginning of my junior year, I was told that I was not good enough to sing, something that I've struggled with ever since. Encore gave our last performance on Tuesday night and Monday afternoon, I met with Dr. P, our director, because she had given me a solo that I just couldn't get. We got to talking about that situation and she told me that she had confidence in me, but that I needed to do it for me. I took that to heart and practiced like crazy for the next 24 hours or so; right before the concert, our orchestra director was listening to us warm up and run our music. Dr. P asked him what he thought and what he said really struck me. He told us "I could talk about technique or breathing or focus, but I'm not going to. You know all the technical stuff. But when you get up on that stage tonight, look at the women to the right and left of you and know that after tonight, Encore will never be the same. So do it right because of that." Despite a terrible afternoon rehearsal, we sang the best we ever had that night. And I nailed that solo. And it felt good. I'm leaving MC with the knowledge that I can prove anyone wrong, especially people like the person who told me I couldn't sing. I can and I did in front of a room full of people, completely a capella and I did it right. It's a good feeling.

Yesterday was my last day of classes and one professor, who has been my advisor since freshman year, when I declared as an English major, told me that she was a little sad, because she realized that that was the last day she'd ever teach me. Dr. G has pushed me academically and made me expand my horizons in so many ways that I didn't think possible; it was her class in Old English (and then the Chaucer class this semester) that made me want to get a graduate degree in OE and medieval literature. She has inspired me in so many ways and I'm thankful for that and for my relationship with her on a professional level, but also as a friend.

After my last class yesterday (Shakespeare), I stayed for a moment to talk to my professor, to thank him for a great experience in that class. I mentioned that it was my last class of my undergraduate career and he said "But we must finish the play!" (we were reading The Tempest). He got his script and gave me the Epilogue, a monologue by Prospero, to read. I stood in the front of the class and read:

Now my charms are all o'erthrown,

And what strength I have's mine own,
Which is most faint: now, 'tis true,
I must be here confined by you,
Or sent to Naples. Let me not,
Since I have my dukedom got
And pardon'd the deceiver, dwell
In this bare island by your spell;
But release me from my bands
With the help of your good hands:
Gentle breath of yours my sails
Must fill, or else my project fails,
Which was to please. Now I want
Spirits to enforce, art to enchant,
And my ending is despair,
Unless I be relieved by prayer,
Which pierces so that it assaults
Mercy itself and frees all faults.
As you from crimes would pardon'd be,
Let your indulgence set me free.

Then he handed me his rain stick and had me turn it over; when all of the grains had fallen, he told me it was time to go. And it is. But it's nice to know that I will be missed, that I have made an impact on this place that has so impacted me. I'll always have a little bit of MC with me; it's made an indelible mark on my mind and heart. Now, though, it's time to try defying gravity.

The Parting Glass

One of my favorite movies is Waking Ned Devine, just because it's so incredibly funny. This song plays at the very end of the film and pretty much sums up my feelings about graduation right now.

All the money that e'er I had
I spent it in good company
And all the harm I've ever done
Alas,It was to none but me
And all I've done for want of wit
To memory now,I can't recall
So fill to me the parting glass
Goodnight and joy be to you all!

Fill to me the parting glass
And drink a health whate'er befalls
Then gently rise and softly call
Goodnight and joy be to you all!

Of all the comrades that e'er I had
They're sorry for my going away
And all the sweethearts that e'er I had
They'd wish me one more day to stay.
Since it fell into my lot
that I should rise,and you should not
I'll gently rise and softly call
Goodnight and joy be to you all!

But since it fell into my lot
That I should rise and you should not
I'll gently rise and softly call
Goodnight and joy be to you all!

So fill to me the parting glass
And drink a health whate'er befalls
Then gently rise and softly call
Goodnight and joy be to you all!

It has fallen into my lot to leave this place and that's all right because it's time. I've been privileged to live, work, and study with some incredible women. I've been stretched and pushed beyond my comfort zone. And as I emerge on the other side of "the Meredith experience," I'm a better woman for it. I like who I've become, even though it's so different than who I thought I'd be when I came to this place four years ago. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I do know that I am blessed and loved. So, now it's time for me to gently rise and softly call 'Goodnight, and joy be to you all!'

And I'll be back. We have a saying here that "from the outside in, you can never understand it. From the inside out, you can never explain it" and the draw that Meredith has for every alumna is part of what we cannot explain. This place, not just the buildings and the grounds, becomes so much a part of you that you cannot sever ties completely. In 16 days, I may not be a student anymore, but I will always be a Meredith girl.

21

The countdown continues as I start writing my last two big papers and work on rescheduling exams. I still haven't cried; it seems like somehow, it's just time for me to go and leave remembering all the good things about this place. I'm getting excited for all of the end of the year events, particularly now that I have dresses for 10th Night, Class Day, and graduation.

Thursday night, I went to Red Room with some dear friends. I mentioned Sam before; I've known this sweet girl since first semester of freshman year, when she awed me with her self-assurance. I treasure her friendship because I know that Sam will be honest with me no matter what, because she truly cares about me and my well being. In addition to being honest, she's got the greatest laugh and smile and gives fantastic hugs. She's also a lot of fun to go out with-the best "date" I've ever taken to formal!

I've also known Katie since first semester; she and her parents sat down next to me and mine and she introduced herself: that was the beginning of a lovely friendship. Katie is kind and dependable and a lot of fun. She's also incredibly organized; this year, 54% of our class gave money to the class gift and I'm sure that's a direct result of her being one of the co-chairs. Miss Katie is not someone you can turn down easily, mostly because you'd feel bad if you disappointed her. She may look mild-mannered, but this girl is a powerhouse!

Marie and I have been side-by-side (literally!) for 4 years. Our last names put her right in front of me alphabetically, so anytime we're at an event that alphabetizes, whether it's nametags or seating, Marie and I are together. This girl is pretty incredible: she's involved in every club and organization (it seems like), she works with autistic kids, she babysits, and she's an incredible student on top of that!

These 3 are just some of the fantastic women I have been so fortunate as to know.

28

28 days until I graduate. And I still don't know the answer to the inevitable question: "What are you doing next year?" But you know what? That's OK.

It's OK because Wednesday, I was inducted into the alumnae association. Our speaker referenced a favorite book from my childhood, Miss Rumphius, and talked about how, in a few years the things that would matter were being with the people we loved, doing work we loved, and always making time to do beautiful things.

It's OK because Thursday, we spent a lot of time in Encore rehearsal working on a song I'm coming to love. I'm particularly fond of this version of it. I'm so grateful to have had the chance to do music here at Meredith with all the fabulous professors we have; though I'm not a music major, they've always treated me with professional respect as a musician and I've grown and changed so much under their direction.

It's OK because Friday was formal and I had the time of my life! Seriously, I've never had so much fun at a Meredith dance. My "date" for the evening was the lovely Samantha (who blogs here) and she's fabulous. Really, she deserves her own post just because she's been such a wonderful friend and is such an all around good person. This was the first dance I hadn't taken a male date to, and honestly, I had more fun. Not because I don't like boys but because I wasn't worried about being on a date. I let loose, danced like a fool, had very many embarrassing pictures taken (I'm sure) and just generally enjoyed myself. I think I shocked some of the girls I tutor, though; they're used to seeing me a little more... professional, shall we say?

It's OK because yesterday, I spent the day in Lumberton with some of my SAI sisters for Province Day, which was fun. We had our own initiation tonight, at which I cried, but only because I think the ritual is really beautiful.

It's OK because the people that I love, the ones that I have really, truly bonded with over the last 4 years, are the ones with whom I will keep in contact. It's OK because I have 8 zillion memories, of things that run the gamut from mundane, like Facebook chatting with gorgeous Louisa while I'm in my room and she's in the living room doing homework, to the insane, like Cornhuskin'. It's been an amazing 4 years and I'm going to celebrate and enjoy every last bit out of the next few weeks.

Wordless Wednesday