5 days

I'm a bit melancholy tonight. I cried for the first time (like big cry) about graduation. And I miss Ireland. I really want to go back, but that's just not in my immediate future. Which makes me want to cry again. So instead, I'm looking through my study abroad pictures and making a resolution to go back just as soon as I have a little money.

This one's one of my favorites; it's an alley in Waterford. I didn't do any editing on the picture. It just turned out with this cool fade-into-black effect.

EDIT: It probably didn't help my Ireland-sickness that I watched P.S. I Love You last night with my roommates. Not that the movie's really about Ireland. But there was plenty of beautiful countryside and pretty touristy towns, enough to make me wish I was there again.

10th Night

Me and my roommates at dinner tonight

Here at MC, home of crazy and wonderful and beautiful traditions, we have a special night for seniors. Usually it's 100 nights + the numeral of the year in which you're graduation (i.e., last year was 109th night). For our class, though, we decided to make it 10 nights before graduation (since we're the class of 2010. And just for the record, it is always pronounced "twenty ten" pleaseandthankyou). So, tonight was 10th night. We had a lovely dinner, a speaker, and took a zillion pictures because that's what we do. We laughed, we cried, we talked, and as I looked around the room at the women I've known for the last four years (some for fewer), I marveled at how far I've come.

You see, I arrived at Meredith not knowing anyone except my future roommate; we'd met twice. I was quiet and shy and, even though this school is only a few minutes from my house, I felt like I was going a million miles away. All my friends from high school had gone to other schools and for the first time in my life, I was starting over, not knowing anyone here. A sweet girl by the name of Katie who came and sat down next to me and introduced herself. 4 years later and we're still friends.

I've grown and changed so much in the past 4 years. I came in expecting to graduate engaged and get married shortly after graduation; graduate school or a teaching career were never on my radar. Here I am, 10 days out from graduation, with no engagement ring on my finger. But that's OK. I'm happy with who I am and where I am, which is more important than checking something off my "to-do list" for life. I trust that the right man is out there and I'll find him when I'm supposed to. But I'm not supposed to yet (otherwise, I'd have that ring! Ha!)

When I came to Meredith, I had no idea that I'd develop the relationships with my professors that I have. Even if they're not in my department, they've been loving and supportive. At the beginning of my junior year, I was told that I was not good enough to sing, something that I've struggled with ever since. Encore gave our last performance on Tuesday night and Monday afternoon, I met with Dr. P, our director, because she had given me a solo that I just couldn't get. We got to talking about that situation and she told me that she had confidence in me, but that I needed to do it for me. I took that to heart and practiced like crazy for the next 24 hours or so; right before the concert, our orchestra director was listening to us warm up and run our music. Dr. P asked him what he thought and what he said really struck me. He told us "I could talk about technique or breathing or focus, but I'm not going to. You know all the technical stuff. But when you get up on that stage tonight, look at the women to the right and left of you and know that after tonight, Encore will never be the same. So do it right because of that." Despite a terrible afternoon rehearsal, we sang the best we ever had that night. And I nailed that solo. And it felt good. I'm leaving MC with the knowledge that I can prove anyone wrong, especially people like the person who told me I couldn't sing. I can and I did in front of a room full of people, completely a capella and I did it right. It's a good feeling.

Yesterday was my last day of classes and one professor, who has been my advisor since freshman year, when I declared as an English major, told me that she was a little sad, because she realized that that was the last day she'd ever teach me. Dr. G has pushed me academically and made me expand my horizons in so many ways that I didn't think possible; it was her class in Old English (and then the Chaucer class this semester) that made me want to get a graduate degree in OE and medieval literature. She has inspired me in so many ways and I'm thankful for that and for my relationship with her on a professional level, but also as a friend.

After my last class yesterday (Shakespeare), I stayed for a moment to talk to my professor, to thank him for a great experience in that class. I mentioned that it was my last class of my undergraduate career and he said "But we must finish the play!" (we were reading The Tempest). He got his script and gave me the Epilogue, a monologue by Prospero, to read. I stood in the front of the class and read:

Now my charms are all o'erthrown,

And what strength I have's mine own,
Which is most faint: now, 'tis true,
I must be here confined by you,
Or sent to Naples. Let me not,
Since I have my dukedom got
And pardon'd the deceiver, dwell
In this bare island by your spell;
But release me from my bands
With the help of your good hands:
Gentle breath of yours my sails
Must fill, or else my project fails,
Which was to please. Now I want
Spirits to enforce, art to enchant,
And my ending is despair,
Unless I be relieved by prayer,
Which pierces so that it assaults
Mercy itself and frees all faults.
As you from crimes would pardon'd be,
Let your indulgence set me free.

Then he handed me his rain stick and had me turn it over; when all of the grains had fallen, he told me it was time to go. And it is. But it's nice to know that I will be missed, that I have made an impact on this place that has so impacted me. I'll always have a little bit of MC with me; it's made an indelible mark on my mind and heart. Now, though, it's time to try defying gravity.

The Parting Glass

One of my favorite movies is Waking Ned Devine, just because it's so incredibly funny. This song plays at the very end of the film and pretty much sums up my feelings about graduation right now.

All the money that e'er I had
I spent it in good company
And all the harm I've ever done
Alas,It was to none but me
And all I've done for want of wit
To memory now,I can't recall
So fill to me the parting glass
Goodnight and joy be to you all!

Fill to me the parting glass
And drink a health whate'er befalls
Then gently rise and softly call
Goodnight and joy be to you all!

Of all the comrades that e'er I had
They're sorry for my going away
And all the sweethearts that e'er I had
They'd wish me one more day to stay.
Since it fell into my lot
that I should rise,and you should not
I'll gently rise and softly call
Goodnight and joy be to you all!

But since it fell into my lot
That I should rise and you should not
I'll gently rise and softly call
Goodnight and joy be to you all!

So fill to me the parting glass
And drink a health whate'er befalls
Then gently rise and softly call
Goodnight and joy be to you all!

It has fallen into my lot to leave this place and that's all right because it's time. I've been privileged to live, work, and study with some incredible women. I've been stretched and pushed beyond my comfort zone. And as I emerge on the other side of "the Meredith experience," I'm a better woman for it. I like who I've become, even though it's so different than who I thought I'd be when I came to this place four years ago. I don't know what the future holds for me, but I do know that I am blessed and loved. So, now it's time for me to gently rise and softly call 'Goodnight, and joy be to you all!'

And I'll be back. We have a saying here that "from the outside in, you can never understand it. From the inside out, you can never explain it" and the draw that Meredith has for every alumna is part of what we cannot explain. This place, not just the buildings and the grounds, becomes so much a part of you that you cannot sever ties completely. In 16 days, I may not be a student anymore, but I will always be a Meredith girl.

21

The countdown continues as I start writing my last two big papers and work on rescheduling exams. I still haven't cried; it seems like somehow, it's just time for me to go and leave remembering all the good things about this place. I'm getting excited for all of the end of the year events, particularly now that I have dresses for 10th Night, Class Day, and graduation.

Thursday night, I went to Red Room with some dear friends. I mentioned Sam before; I've known this sweet girl since first semester of freshman year, when she awed me with her self-assurance. I treasure her friendship because I know that Sam will be honest with me no matter what, because she truly cares about me and my well being. In addition to being honest, she's got the greatest laugh and smile and gives fantastic hugs. She's also a lot of fun to go out with-the best "date" I've ever taken to formal!

I've also known Katie since first semester; she and her parents sat down next to me and mine and she introduced herself: that was the beginning of a lovely friendship. Katie is kind and dependable and a lot of fun. She's also incredibly organized; this year, 54% of our class gave money to the class gift and I'm sure that's a direct result of her being one of the co-chairs. Miss Katie is not someone you can turn down easily, mostly because you'd feel bad if you disappointed her. She may look mild-mannered, but this girl is a powerhouse!

Marie and I have been side-by-side (literally!) for 4 years. Our last names put her right in front of me alphabetically, so anytime we're at an event that alphabetizes, whether it's nametags or seating, Marie and I are together. This girl is pretty incredible: she's involved in every club and organization (it seems like), she works with autistic kids, she babysits, and she's an incredible student on top of that!

These 3 are just some of the fantastic women I have been so fortunate as to know.

28

28 days until I graduate. And I still don't know the answer to the inevitable question: "What are you doing next year?" But you know what? That's OK.

It's OK because Wednesday, I was inducted into the alumnae association. Our speaker referenced a favorite book from my childhood, Miss Rumphius, and talked about how, in a few years the things that would matter were being with the people we loved, doing work we loved, and always making time to do beautiful things.

It's OK because Thursday, we spent a lot of time in Encore rehearsal working on a song I'm coming to love. I'm particularly fond of this version of it. I'm so grateful to have had the chance to do music here at Meredith with all the fabulous professors we have; though I'm not a music major, they've always treated me with professional respect as a musician and I've grown and changed so much under their direction.

It's OK because Friday was formal and I had the time of my life! Seriously, I've never had so much fun at a Meredith dance. My "date" for the evening was the lovely Samantha (who blogs here) and she's fabulous. Really, she deserves her own post just because she's been such a wonderful friend and is such an all around good person. This was the first dance I hadn't taken a male date to, and honestly, I had more fun. Not because I don't like boys but because I wasn't worried about being on a date. I let loose, danced like a fool, had very many embarrassing pictures taken (I'm sure) and just generally enjoyed myself. I think I shocked some of the girls I tutor, though; they're used to seeing me a little more... professional, shall we say?

It's OK because yesterday, I spent the day in Lumberton with some of my SAI sisters for Province Day, which was fun. We had our own initiation tonight, at which I cried, but only because I think the ritual is really beautiful.

It's OK because the people that I love, the ones that I have really, truly bonded with over the last 4 years, are the ones with whom I will keep in contact. It's OK because I have 8 zillion memories, of things that run the gamut from mundane, like Facebook chatting with gorgeous Louisa while I'm in my room and she's in the living room doing homework, to the insane, like Cornhuskin'. It's been an amazing 4 years and I'm going to celebrate and enjoy every last bit out of the next few weeks.

Catching up

I'm back at school for my last 33 days. Actually, more like 32 since it's almost 10:00 at night. On a side note, I've seen a fun feature on some blogs I read, called Wordless Wednesdays. I've got a favorite picture set up to post tomorrow :)

Today's reflection

This Lent, I've been reading from Minute Meditations for Each Day in the morning as part of my prayer resolution. This morning's reflection, for the Solemnity of the Annunciation, is as follows:

"Mary said: 'I am the servant of the Lord.'" (Luke 1:38)

Reflection: What a magnificent program for life! To be a servant of the Lord, that is, to be ever at the disposal of God, ready to regard life with all its joys and sorrows as a sacred mission given us by God's love. And to fulfill this mission with all the generosity of our heart. Is it really this word of Mary that guides me each day and points out the right way for my life?

Wow.

Later on, this afternoon while I was at work, I was talking with my friend Antoinette about graduation and God's plans for me afterwards. I asked her (she's come back to school for a second degree after working for some years) how you find the line between praying about things and actually doing them. Her response: "Just pray that God will close all the other doors so that you know. It just takes a little trust."

So that's my new prayer. Not that I will figure it out, but that I will be guided to make the right choice. And really, trusting and obeying is all I can and should do, if I really have faith. It is just going to take more than a little dying to self.

The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things

Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, and cabbages, and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings... oh wait, this isn't Wonderland! And yet, strange things are happening to me too.

For one, I just bought my cap and gown. I've been slowly acquiring stoles and cords, but somehow, the cap and gown purchase made this very real. (I graduate in 5 1/2 weeks). I'm also finishing my applications for CofC and State, and have put in an application with the Southern Teacher's Agency (they don't require a teaching license for some private and independent schools, which is what STA staffs; convenient since I don't have a teaching license!). As I put in my facebook status this morning, the real world is creeping closer and closer.

I have very mixed feelings about this, as is natural. On the one hand, there are lots of things I'll miss about Meredith: my classes, my professors, my friends, my apartment, my on-campus jobs (I've been blessed with great coworkers and supervisors), the music department, the traditions. On the other hand, I'm excited about what God has planned for me next: grad school? A job? And hopefully, marriage and a family, sometime soon.

But right now, I'm just going to enjoy this beautiful spring night, do the work I love (Chaucer homework!) and be content with where I am and what I've been given.

Thoughts of spring

I've had a bunch of thoughts rambling around in my head, so rather than write a bunch of posts, I decided it's time for a thought-collection post

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It's spring here in North Carolina (finally) and I am loving it. This is the third day in a row that I've worn a skirt (without tights!) and for the past two days, I've driven with my sunroof open. Louisa (my roommate) and I have turned off the air in our apartment and are living with the windows open, which is a lovely thing. The trees are still rather bare, but still, I know that spring is coming and I couldn't be happier about it!

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Spring break starts tomorrow afternoon! I'm so ready for it and I have lots of plans, including:

-making my Class Day dress

-making at least 1 new skirt

-finishing the parish newsletter

-getting my grad school stuff all ready to mail when I get back from break

-planning my graduation party with my grandma

-sleeping

-reading frivolous books

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I graduate two months from Monday. It's coming so incredibly fast; I can't believe it. I bought my stole for Sigma Tau Delta (English honor society) yesterday and my cord for Silver Shield (MC honor society) on Sunday. I need to buy my cap and gown, my Kappa Nu Sigma stole, and my graduation announcements. I also need to purchase SAI cords for me and the other graduating seniors and figure out when I get my Alpha Lambda Delta cord, my Honors cord and my study abroad flag. Holy cow, graduation is close.

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Singing with Encore this semester has been fantastic. I love being part of a smaller group and, the thing I'm probably most proud of, I've gotten up the courage to sing solos in front of a bunch of people (like, the entirely full Jones Chapel). Our trip to D.C. was brief, but good; there was a lot of bonding time, and it didn't hurt that the Army folks loved us. Dr. P canceled rehearsal today to give our voices a break (yay!), but I'm looking forward to starting new music after break.

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Talking about loving my classes, I really do love all of them. I know, I'm a nerd, but I've accepted that and am moving on.

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The thing that I'm not currently loving is the fact that I've fallen off the Lenten wagon in regards to my prayer life. Fasting & almsgiving are covered; it's not easy, but it's not as hard as you'd think. I'm starting over today, though; this just tells me that my prayer life is really what I need to concentrate on. I also need to remind myself, as St. Therese of Lisieux said, that it's about doing "little things with great love"--it doesn't have to be grandiose as long as my intention is love. And I think that this difficulty in keeping up with my prayers speaks to the fact that I need help with the love part.

The good life

Here's my list of blessings for this Monday night:

• Wonderful time spent with my family this weekend
• Nap time this afternoon!
• I really love my classes this semester
• I've gotten lots done tonight, both on schoolwork and on the parish newsletter
• My roommates and I had a wonderful dinner together tonight
• I am going to go to bed at a decent hour tonight
• This is a full week, but it is full of good things and I am looking forward to the weekend

Julian of Norwich

"All shall be well and all manner of things shall be well."

Every time I think about (read: worry about) graduate school, these words run through my head. Then today, Fr. Ned mentioned this quote from St. John Vianney: "God commands you to pray, but He forbids you to worry."

Definite food for thought.

Soup

I have hit the crazy days. The days where I begin at 7 and do not end until 12:30 or 1 am. The days where I run from thing to thing, class to meeting to class to work to work to home to homework/dinner to Corn practice to bed. I want to say that I hate these days, that I wish for a quiet, peaceful, relaxing with with NOTHING to do, but really, I don't. Yes, I am tired a lot and yes I am busy all the time, but I'm excited to be doing Cornhuskin' and I like my classes.

Today is one of those crazier than usual days, so in preparation, I made potato soup last night. Lovely thick, creamy, cheese, vegetable-y soup. I used the recipe that my grandfather gave my mother; I don't know where he got it, but it is the best potato soup I have ever had. And right now, there is a big pot sitting on my stove, warming to room temperature so that in 5 hours when I have time for dinner, it will heat quickly.

Forethought is good. Groceries are good. Life is good

Senior Parent Night

The picture above was taken last night by my roommate/best friend Hillary; it was Senior Parent Night, a night to celebrate how far we've come and thank the people who have gotten us there. We had dinner and there was a dance (that we didn't stay for), but one of the best parts of the evening was when we gave our parents notes we'd written to them to say thank you. After we gave our parents the notes, we left to get the gift that had been purchased with part of our ticket money, a blanket that said Meredith College Parent Class of 2010. I made both of my parents cry with what I wrote, but that's not why I wrote what I did. I wrote those words because they were true, because I am deeply grateful for the upbringing I was given and the support I have received since I came to Meredith--I would not be who I am without them.

Love you, Mommy and Daddy!

On testing

On Monday I took a test in my programming test. I did not do so well on the test (read: didn't pass). Now, when I first got the numerical grade from Blackboard, I called my dad crying and told him I failed at life. He wasn't having any of that and just simply asked "Where are you going to go from here?" I sniffled and told him I didn't know, that I didn't have the test back, etc. I've been dreading this all week.

I got the test back today. We went over it in class and I realized that my problem is attention to detail. Once the professor started going over it, I realized what I had done wrong: for one or two, I just didn't understand the question; for most of the ones I got wrong, I didn't read the code carefully enough, which is where I made my errors. While it doesn't make the grade any more fun, it makes it bearable because I know where I made my mistakes.

So, I now have an answer to my dad's question: I know where I'm going from here. I have made appointments at the Learning Center (which takes HUGE pride swallowing since I work there) with a friend of mine who's a computer science tutor. I am going to start working the problems/answering the questions at the end of every section to make sure I get the concepts. I am going to pay more attention to detail on the next test. And I am going to stop thinking about this one. The perfectionist side of me hates that, but I really can't do anything else and stay sane. I messed up. There, I said it. Now I can move on.

And I'm really grateful for a father who has taught me that when I make mistakes or when sucky things happen, I need to take a breath, deal with that fact, then figure out how to fix it and not spend time wringing my hands over the fact that IT'S NOT ALL THE WAY IT SHOULD BE, which is what blinks in huge neon letters in my mind when I feel like I've failed. Dealing with it and moving on means that I haven't really failed, just learned from the mistake I've made. Which is a good life lesson.

Happy Friday!

Twitter?

Well, I've started a Twitter account... we'll see how long it lasts. It kind of feels like cheat-blogging at this point--I don't have time to write a whole post, so I think I'll write a 140 character thought so I'm at least writing something. However, given my propensity to neglect writing altogether when I'm busy, this might be a good thing.

Grandma and I went shopping today for a dress for Senior Parent Night. It was a lot of fun to go shopping with her like I used to when I was little; she'd need something for an event and I'd pick out the most horrible sequined thing I could find-in my defense, I did believe sequins made things indescribably beautiful! I fell in love with the first dress I found, which was this one:

Sadly, though, it was just a little tight in the bust and I knew I wouldn't be comfortable all night in something that was tight and low :(

We did, however, find this one, which I got in red:

It was a very productive shopping trip and I'm really excited for next week!

CORN!

'Tis Cornhuskin' season here at MC and for the first year, I'm participating! Now, I can't say too much about it because it's all secret until the big reveal on November 6th, but it's a big deal here. The link to the history can be found here: http://www.meredith.edu/library/archives/student_research/index.htm

Needless to say, I'm excited about being involved this year. I am also sore, not having danced in... 12 years? But it's a good kind of fulfilling sore and I'm definitely sleeping better at night!

Random encounters

Connections can happen in the oddest of places. Last night, I was reading blogs when (somehow) I came across a post by a young woman I have never met before, who was writing about college and callings and I felt the need to comment in her post because it was very well-written, but especially because she mentioned that her sister went to MC. Many posts & replies later, it turns out that, I not only know her sister (I don't think Rebekah would know me, but we're SAI sisters), but also one of her friends that joined in the conversation as well. And we have another mutual friend. Weird, huh? But very cool.

In other news, this whole housekeeping-while-being-a-full-time-student thing is tough. I wouldn't trade it for living in the residence halls again, though--I love having my own kitchen too much. And, for the most part, things are pretty neat around here, at least as far as stuff on the floor goes. There's an awful lot of toothpaste and makeup in my sink and the bathroom desperately needs to be swept, but I'll get to that. For right now, I'm too busy ensuring my future and making memories to worry about details.

Happy 3rd day of Autumn!

Almost autumn

My poor little blog has been sadly neglected over the last few weeks. I don't feel like I've ever really stopped long enough to even think about posting. I will however, get back to it over the next few days because I have some lovely pictures from our fall honors trip to Charlottesville this past weekend. I love the mountains

Stay tuned for more!

Confession and freedom

I was in my Global Capitalism and Ethical Values class this morning and we got on a tangent about the website Postsecret (note about that: while I do read Postsecret on a regular basis, there are often secrets with pictures posted that aren't appropriate when small children are in the room. I scroll past those and also don't read it when I'm home, just to protect the little one's eyes. Just FYI). As my friend Sam and I were trying to explain the website to our professor, who has no experience with it, she mentioned that it seems like most people submit secrets because of the confessional aspect of it. Our professor then went on to say that, unlike the Church says, confession isn't really freeing, but rather imprisoning because of the fact that, once you confess something, another person knows about it. The conversation shifted before I could object, but it did get me thinking about confession and what comes with it.

First of all, the most important point about confession is not the "feeling" that comes along with it. Yes, it often does feel liberating to tell someone and know that you're forgiven, but that's not why Catholics confess. We confess to take ownership of the things that we have done wrong and to ask God's forgiveness for them. I know that personally, I'm a crier. I'm that girl that comes out of the confessional with mascara lines down my cheeks because the process of calling my sins to mind and telling another person about them is difficult and often embarrassing. I also cry because I feel so bad that I've done what I've done; however, there are a few things that I know for certain when I leave the confessional:

1. My sins are forgiven. Jesus told his disciples in Matthew 18:18 that "Amen, I say to you, whatsoever you bind on earth , shall be bound also in heaven; and whatsoever you loose upon earth, shall be loosed also in heaven." The priest has the power to forgive sins because he is a direct descendant of the Apostles and is given this same power when he is ordained by his bishop.

2. The priest will never tell anyone my sins. He can't, because of the seal of the confessional. I don't ever have to worry about someone finding out my sins because the priest is forbidden to tell anyone ever, even in a court of law.

3. Once the words of absolution are pronounced, I am right with God again. And that is where the feeling of freedom comes in, for my soul is in a state of grace and I am completely united with God again. If that's not freedom, I don't know what is.

I think the problem that came up in class was the fact that most people associate liberation or freedom with not being tied to anything. However, we are a social creature and no one can exist completely on his or her own, which would be what makes them totally free. The paradox here is that I am free because I choose to live according to the teachings of the Church. I think Fr. Stan Fortuna, CFR, summed it up in his song "Libre" from the album "Sacro Song II" (emphasis mine):

Oh my beloved world

You have given me so much and yet so little
Always offering an answer to my questions
Always with a comeback for where I come from
And yet here I stand
Still full of questions of self
For your responses my world,
Have been an unread subscription
That lingers on the coffee table
With images that grab.
But your answers do not fill
So I just wanna say, “Yo soy libre”
Because I have been freed by the great I Am.

For I am as the cobblestone on
The Grand Concourse that call out
From breaks in the asphalt
What was once suffocating
From sinful tar and stony heart
Has been freed from the heat of Grace
I now see through the melting-pot holes
And now by my presence I call out
To the world that this land on the
Surface is not all there is or was
Yo soy libre porque El me ha liberado
¡Libre!

I am Carravagio spray painted
On the Spanish-Harlem wall
The beauty is unquestionable
And it calls out to all
But some choose to dismiss it
As Medieval graffiti
Chaining themselves up
With the fetters of false ideologies
Worshipping the beauty of creation
While executing in their hearts the Creator
Who has freed me
Yo soy libre porque El me ha liberado
¡Libre!

I am one who stands in awe of the martyrs,
But my tastes have changed
For once my heroes were
Pancho Villa, Che and Trotsky
For these died for what they believed
But man cannot find his end in himself
I too have envied the rich
Wishing it were I instead of they
For these lived for what they achieved or received
But man cannot be his own measure
So I have traded in the rhetoric of empowerment
For the contradiction of the Cross.
And now I know what freedom is
Yo soy libre porque El me ha liberado
¡Libre!

For what the Lord has kept from the wise and learned
He had revealed to mere children
That one must lose his life in order to gain it
Now my heroes are
A wrinkled blue and white
Flower from Calcutta
A bishop of a war torn land
Killed for preaching peace
And a man who goes throughout the world
Clothed in white
Saying, “Do not be afraid”
Lord, help me not to be afraid…
Lord, I need you to help me to not to be afraid…
Porque Yo soy libre,
Tu me has liberado.
Libre.

(http://www.francescoproductions.com/lyrics/sacrosong2/libre.html)

For more on confession, see the Catholic Encyclopedia entry: http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/11618c.htm

Hail Queen of Heaven

Hail, Queen of heav'n, the ocean star.
Guide the wand'rer here below!
Thrown on life's surge we claim thy care.
Save us from peril and from woe.
Mother of Christ, Star of the sea,
Pray for the wanderer. Pray for me.

O gentle, chaste, and spotless Maid,
We sinners make our prayers thro' thee.
Remind thy Son that He has paid
The price of our iniquity.
Virgin most pure, Star of the sea,
Pray for the sinner. Oh, pray for me.

Sojourners in this vale of tears,
To thee, blest advocate, we cry.
Oh, pity our sorrows, calm our fears.
And soothe with hope our misery.
Refuge in grief, Star of the sea,
Pray for the mourner, Oh, pray for me.

And while to Him Who reigns above
In Godhead one, in Persons three,
The Source of life, of grace, of love,
Homage we pay on bended knee:
Do thou, bright Queen, O star of the sea,
Pray for thy children, pray for me.

We sang this hymn in Mass this morning; it remains one of my favorites because it is simple, yet so beautiful in its simplicity. The tune is also one of those lovely old tunes that is actually singable, as opposed to some of the hymns that made their way into church hymnbooks in the 1960s and 70s that are atonal and so difficult to follow that even people like me, who read music well, have a hard time following the tune, never mind the general congregation.

Today was the first day of Sunday School at our parish. Rather than be a helper in my mom's class occasionally as I've done for the last few years, I am "on my own" as a substitute teacher and I had the 3rd grade class, a class of 14 children. It was great to work with these children again, as I had worked with them when they were in the first grade in my mom's class. I did the introduction to the class for the teacher, who was getting her daughter moved into college for the first time, then read them a story about St. John Marie Vianney, since this is the Year of the Priest. We talked about what it meant to be a priest and why St. John was such a good role model for parish priests. After that, which was the end of her lesson plan, I looked at my watch and realized that there was almost 25 minutes left in the class and I had nothing for them to do. However, I've watched my mom improvise for years, so I knew that the best thing for me to do was think of something simple and quick--we played Catholic Hangman. That sounds pretty gruesome, but it was my own version of the spelling game where someone thinks of a word for the group to guess; as they guess letters, the correct ones are written down and the wrong ones earn the guessing team one more body part (head, torso, arms, legs, etc--I usually make it pretty complicated when I'm playing with small children--it gives them more of a chance to win :) ). If the word (or words) are completed before the man is completely drawn, the guessers win and if not, the thinker wins. Anyway, with my kids, I started out simple with "priest." They got it pretty quickly, so I challenged them (or so I thought) with "eucharist"--they got that one pretty quickly too, although the "u" near the beginning made them keep guessing "q," which made me laugh a little. We then moved on to "Saint John Vianney," which stumped them for a while, but eventually they got it. Finally, my trump card was with "Monsignor W-------" our pastor's name, which took them until half the class had been picked up to guess. It was a fun hour and I look forward to going back next month! Next week, I'll have a combined class of 6th, 7th, and 8th grade boys... stay tuned!

One sweet anecdote from this morning: there is a little girl in the class who has Downs Syndrome. I had worked with her before, so she was comfortable with me, but I know that she couldn't guess the letters like everyone else, so I had to come up with another way for her to participate. When it came to her turn, I would lean down and whisper a letter into her ear for her to repeat back to me. I wasn't sure how the other kids would react to this, but I thought it was important for her to be included. One of the boys, a child that I already knew was sweet, started cheering for her every time that she gave me a letter (of course I gave her letters that were in the puzzle--I didn't think it was fair to give her wrong letters): "Yay S---! She's really helping us win! Aw, man! She keeps getting the right letters!" It made me so happy to see her beaming at his praise; I didn't get a chance to tell his dad what a great kid he has, but I definitely will the next time I see that family at church.

In other news, this was an interesting weekend. I decided on Wednesday that I am definitely going to apply to graduate school for the fall; by Friday night, I had Carolina and Catholic on my list as definite places to apply, but the rest... it was all so overwhelming. It culminated in, after I got off work and came home to my roommates going out, sitting down at my computer screen and freaking out, sitting there, home alone (the only reason I mentioned them going out; that's not really my thing, so I was totally cool with that, until I had no one to cry to), sobbing because I was so overwhelmed. So I closed up my computer, packed a bag, and showed up on my back porch at 11:30 at night, tears rolling down my face (yes, I sobbed all the way home; I really probably shouldn't have driven, but I wasn't thinking straight), and sat down next to my poor confused father to cry it all out. Once I had composed myself, we talked and I decided that I'm only going to worry about those two schools because they are the ones with the programs that I like. It is wonderful to have family to go home to whenever I need them.

Speaking of graduate school, I need to go study for the GRE. Fun times :) But really, I wouldn't have it any other way