What Wondrous Love Is This?

What wondrous love is this, O my soul, O my soul!

What wondrous love is this, O my soul!

What wondrous love is this

That caused the Lord of bliss

To bear the dreadful curse for my soul, for my soul,

To bear the dreadful curse for my soul!

To God and to the Lamb I will sing, I will sing;

To God and to the Lamb I will sing;

To God and to the Lamb,

Who is the great I AM,

While millions join the theme, I will sing, I will sing,

While millions join the theme, I will sing.

And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on;

And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on.

And when from death I’m free

I’ll sing and joyful be,

And through eternity I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on,

And through eternity I’ll sing on.

This song has been running through my head since Monday. Every year, a very talented lady at our parish sings this a cappella on Good Friday during the Veneration of the Cross. It's haunting and beautiful, the perfect song, in my humble opinion, to be singing during Holy Week.

Palm Sunday thoughts

It's a grey, almost-rainy day in this part of NC. During both Masses at my church this morning, a cold wind was blowing while we were outside for the blessing of the palms and the processional. And yet, as much as I love beautiful sunny days, it seems almost appropriate to bring in Holy Week with a somber sky.

One of the things that I love about being a cradle Catholic is the sense of constancy; there is a rhythm to life that's based around the Church year, which has been the rhythm of my life too. And so, every Palm Sunday, I know that the Mass will start with joy, shouting "Hosanna! Hosanna in excelsis!" but will end on a sadder note-we know after the Gospel reading that what has begun today will bring us to Good Friday and its mournful Stations, veneration of the cross and communion service. But we know that there is hope, because Saturday night, we will celebrate Christ's rising from the dead and the catechumens will be brought into full communion with the Church, giving us all cause to celebrate.

This year, I'm singing with the choir and at our church, the choir takes the part of the crowd in the Gospel reading. Every year, I am struck at how hearing those words of the crowd ("Crucify him! Crucify him!") sound so harsh-much more so than reading them to oneself in the Scriptures. This year, though, I was one of the ones saying those words, calling out for the death of the Lord. I was brought to tears both times, thinking about how many times a day I do just that, but without saying those words aloud. The unkind thoughts and words, the selfish actions, the lack of attention to duty or to my prayers, the wasting of precious time that should be spent doing good things-all these are ways I cry out for Him to be crucified. But do I realize it? I don't think so.

My Lenten journey this year has helped me realize how often indeed I hurt the Lord. Trying to curb my unkind thoughts and words has been difficult and I've fallen a lot. At the end of the day, right before I go to sleep, I've been going over my day in my mind; I've started saying an Act of Contrition because often times, the number of places I've fallen is shameful.

But Palm Sunday brings hope too, especially this year. Because I am seeing anew how much love God has for me, that He would send Jesus to die for someone who continually hurts Him. And I am thankful for the grace to see my faults and the grace to know God's love.

Today's reflection

This Lent, I've been reading from Minute Meditations for Each Day in the morning as part of my prayer resolution. This morning's reflection, for the Solemnity of the Annunciation, is as follows:

"Mary said: 'I am the servant of the Lord.'" (Luke 1:38)

Reflection: What a magnificent program for life! To be a servant of the Lord, that is, to be ever at the disposal of God, ready to regard life with all its joys and sorrows as a sacred mission given us by God's love. And to fulfill this mission with all the generosity of our heart. Is it really this word of Mary that guides me each day and points out the right way for my life?

Wow.

Later on, this afternoon while I was at work, I was talking with my friend Antoinette about graduation and God's plans for me afterwards. I asked her (she's come back to school for a second degree after working for some years) how you find the line between praying about things and actually doing them. Her response: "Just pray that God will close all the other doors so that you know. It just takes a little trust."

So that's my new prayer. Not that I will figure it out, but that I will be guided to make the right choice. And really, trusting and obeying is all I can and should do, if I really have faith. It is just going to take more than a little dying to self.

The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things

Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, and cabbages, and kings. And why the sea is boiling hot and whether pigs have wings... oh wait, this isn't Wonderland! And yet, strange things are happening to me too.

For one, I just bought my cap and gown. I've been slowly acquiring stoles and cords, but somehow, the cap and gown purchase made this very real. (I graduate in 5 1/2 weeks). I'm also finishing my applications for CofC and State, and have put in an application with the Southern Teacher's Agency (they don't require a teaching license for some private and independent schools, which is what STA staffs; convenient since I don't have a teaching license!). As I put in my facebook status this morning, the real world is creeping closer and closer.

I have very mixed feelings about this, as is natural. On the one hand, there are lots of things I'll miss about Meredith: my classes, my professors, my friends, my apartment, my on-campus jobs (I've been blessed with great coworkers and supervisors), the music department, the traditions. On the other hand, I'm excited about what God has planned for me next: grad school? A job? And hopefully, marriage and a family, sometime soon.

But right now, I'm just going to enjoy this beautiful spring night, do the work I love (Chaucer homework!) and be content with where I am and what I've been given.

Thoughts of spring

I've had a bunch of thoughts rambling around in my head, so rather than write a bunch of posts, I decided it's time for a thought-collection post

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It's spring here in North Carolina (finally) and I am loving it. This is the third day in a row that I've worn a skirt (without tights!) and for the past two days, I've driven with my sunroof open. Louisa (my roommate) and I have turned off the air in our apartment and are living with the windows open, which is a lovely thing. The trees are still rather bare, but still, I know that spring is coming and I couldn't be happier about it!

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Spring break starts tomorrow afternoon! I'm so ready for it and I have lots of plans, including:

-making my Class Day dress

-making at least 1 new skirt

-finishing the parish newsletter

-getting my grad school stuff all ready to mail when I get back from break

-planning my graduation party with my grandma

-sleeping

-reading frivolous books

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I graduate two months from Monday. It's coming so incredibly fast; I can't believe it. I bought my stole for Sigma Tau Delta (English honor society) yesterday and my cord for Silver Shield (MC honor society) on Sunday. I need to buy my cap and gown, my Kappa Nu Sigma stole, and my graduation announcements. I also need to purchase SAI cords for me and the other graduating seniors and figure out when I get my Alpha Lambda Delta cord, my Honors cord and my study abroad flag. Holy cow, graduation is close.

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Singing with Encore this semester has been fantastic. I love being part of a smaller group and, the thing I'm probably most proud of, I've gotten up the courage to sing solos in front of a bunch of people (like, the entirely full Jones Chapel). Our trip to D.C. was brief, but good; there was a lot of bonding time, and it didn't hurt that the Army folks loved us. Dr. P canceled rehearsal today to give our voices a break (yay!), but I'm looking forward to starting new music after break.

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Talking about loving my classes, I really do love all of them. I know, I'm a nerd, but I've accepted that and am moving on.

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The thing that I'm not currently loving is the fact that I've fallen off the Lenten wagon in regards to my prayer life. Fasting & almsgiving are covered; it's not easy, but it's not as hard as you'd think. I'm starting over today, though; this just tells me that my prayer life is really what I need to concentrate on. I also need to remind myself, as St. Therese of Lisieux said, that it's about doing "little things with great love"--it doesn't have to be grandiose as long as my intention is love. And I think that this difficulty in keeping up with my prayers speaks to the fact that I need help with the love part.