Bittersweet

Picture from our March photoshoot with Kellie

It's not quite 10:00 and I'm sitting in my living room. My homework is done (for tomorrow, anyway), my apartment is clean, my lunch is made for tomorrow and all I have to do is take a shower before I go to bed. It's pretty serene around here; the neighborhood is quiet and indoors, the dishwasher is humming in the background as my keyboard clicks. Today was long - not bad, just long - and coming home to a house that is just as I left it is nice. As much as I liked having roommates, right now I'm really enjoying not having them. I think it's because so much in my life has changed: new city, new program, new friends, new job, new church; getting used to someone else's idiosyncrasies would be really hard.

But then, at the same time, it can be hard to be here and not at home. I called home tonight and everyone piled on my parents' bed because I was on speaker phone. Jack told me a joke, Tim told me about all his new football gear, and they came in and out as I talked to my parents for a while. My parents' house is definitely more chaotic than my apartment, but it's a good, loving kind. I called my mom's parents tonight too; they really miss me, and I miss them. I can tell, though, because any time I call, they both get on the phone and try to cram as much as they can into a 30 or 40 minute conversation. It's funny how you can take things like that for granted until they mean so much more because you're 4 hours away.

On a different (and less sad) note, Jack's really starting to develop a little-boy sense of humor. The picture above is the one on my laptop and when I first downloaded it, the file was so big that it was really zoomed in. On Jack's nose. Which had boogers in it. So of course I had to tell him that tonight on the phone and he giggled and giggled. I can't wait to see that in person.

Such, though, is the beauty of this technological age. My parents are getting a webcam so that we can Skype and Mom and I were talking about that the other day. Mom told me that in the 50s, when my Grandma and Grandpa moved from California to Chicago, Grandma had to write letters to her family because no one they knew could afford long-distance phone calls. When Grandma's dad died, she got a telegraph. And here I am, just 2 generations later, spending a Saturday morning Skyping with my friend in Italy. Craziness.

One week in

Week 2 of grad school starts tomorrow and I have to say, I'm still excited. I still haven't had one of my classes yet (it's on Monday evenings and classes started on Tuesday last week), so I still don't know quite what my semester looks like-or rather, what midterm/final time will look like for me.

So far, Old English is exactly what I expected, but after 2 semesters in undergrad, I'm not surprised. I got together with my little study group today to work on the translation for tomorrow; they're all first-years too and I'm excited about having friends in my program. African-American Lit is going to be intense--we're reading a book a week and have to come in with 2 discussion questions and a passage to explicate, as well as the pedagogical approach we would take with that particular passage. Once I get through the first week and really find out what she wants, I think I'll feel better about that. Right now, I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed. The plus side of grad school, though, is that I'm only taking 3 classes instead of the 8 or 9 I would take a semester in undergrad. Don't get me wrong, the workload is heavier (a 3, an 8, and a 20 page paper for one class), but since I'm spending less time in class, I feel like that balances out.

I've also taken on a new project: I'm chairing the newly-created Academic Research Committee for our GEA and planning a research symposium for the spring. The exec board felt that, based on the experiences I had at MC, especially in the honors program, I was the best woman for the job. It will be a 2 year volunteer position and I am so excited to take this on. I'm meeting with the VP of the GEA on Wednesday to talk about budgets, etc; I'm truly jumping in with both feet :)

With week 1 finished, though, I can say that I really feel prepared for this. This is where I'm supposed to be, and my MC education definitely got me ready for this. I'm confident in class and spoke up and volunteered to read a poem in African-American on Thursday. I'm making friends and getting to know my way around--this life I have is really blessed.

Letter to college freshman me

I start my graduate classes tomorrow-yay! I'm ready, with clothes laid out and bookbag packed; I'm just a little excited. As I was getting ready this evening, I started thinking about how, if you had talked to me 4 years ago, when I was just entering college, I wouldn't have told you that I'd be here, getting ready to do this right now. I also thought about how I don't think I believe in regrets; while I haven't always made the best choices, I've learned something from every mistake I've made, which has given them value. So if I were to write my 18 year old self a letter, I wouldn't tell myself what not to do, given what I know now. Here's what I would say:

Dear 18 year old me,

Well, you've got about a week of college under your belt now; it's not too bad, is it? Bummer about that math class-hang in there and just keep working hard. Now, since this is a letter from yourself in the future, you're probably expecting advice about what you should do differently in college. I'm not going to do that though, because you need all the lessons that you'll learn. Not all of them will be fun, but you'll come out on the other side a better person for them.

Here's what you do need to know about what you'll do in the next four years. You'll make some wonderful friends and mentors; you know a couple of them now, even though you don't know how valuable their friendship will be. That girl Sam that lives upstairs? You don't know this yet, but she'll push you to be a better person in so many ways; you'll gain a lot from her outgoing personality and incredible loyalty. You'll see. Also, your English teacher, Dr. G-you'll end up taking a lot of her classes (I guess that's not spoiling anything since you already know you're majoring in English). She'll want you to take some things that you won't want to take, but you'll do it and be a better person for it.

Now, I said you'll learn some lessons that are hard. You'll make mistakes, which I know you hate, but hey sweetheart, you're just human. You are blessed with an amazing family that will be there for you, even when it means being tough on you. Don't ever doubt that they love you, because they will see you through the difficult times both in school and in your relationships. You'll go through rocky patches with Mom and with Dad, but it'll all be OK in the end. One day, after you've wised up a bit, you'll wake up and realize that after all you've been through, your relationship with them has changed; they're not just Mom and Dad anymore, but friends. That's pretty special and unique, so cherish that.

Finally, you know that wedding you're planning for some weekend in May after graduation? I hate to break it to you, but at 22, you won't be married yet; God's plan for you is a little bit different. Be open to that different plan, though, because it's a good one. You'll know when it's time, because you'll have learned (a little bit better) how to be patient while you're working hard. You'll end up in a cool city with a good side job doing the thing you love best, even though right now you don't know that you love it this well.

I better stop before I give too much away. One last thing: don't wish your time at MC away. Enjoy the days that you have and know that when you have to move on, you'll be ready to do that. And hey, if I'm writing you from the future, you know you're going to come out on the other side!

Love always,

22 year old me

First day at the big girl job

I started at my new job this morning; I didn't realize it before, but it's actually a paid internship, which is pretty cool-excellent line on my resume as well as money coming in. It's not hard work, but it is a little frustrating sometimes, since I'm fact checking through Google. However, it's a really relaxed office (jeans are the dress code) and everyone's been really nice so far. Tomorrow I'm bringing in my big blue mug for coffee, which they have all day :)

After I got home from work and had some lunch (I'm only working half days on Monday and Wednesday because of classes), I went out to the 'Del to get my ID number/email log-in and get a photo ID made. It took me over an hour to get the ID number because it's a joint program and none of the students from my home school have been entered into the new database. Finally, I got the paperwork so that I could go up to the second floor of the building to get the ID made and... it's probably the worst ID picture that has ever been taken of me. I was told not to smile and then not given a warning that she was about to take the picture so I look like I either have something in my mouth or I'm getting ready to say something. Let's just hope that no one ever asks to see it.

I also had to visit the post office there, since the post office near my house that I found online (through the US Post Office's website, no less) is actually a doggy day care. I was slightly upset, but my brother (who, if I haven't mentioned it yet, goes to the military school that my school partners with for this joint MA program) said that I could go to the post office at one of the administrative halls at school. Mom also suggested leaving my mail to be mailed in my mailbox to see if I could get it picked up that way. Next time I need to mail something, I'm going to try that, but I know I have a backup option as I'll be on Pat's campus one day a week for class.

I got some school supplies while I was out too; I've been in school long enough that all I need is a couple of notebooks and pocket folders because I have tons of pens and everything else for classes.

Oh, and in the "new things" category, I joined the CCM choir. Music isn't really a new thing for me, nor is being in a church choir, but like I said before, I didn't do CCM in college, so combining that with my music is a new thing for me. Rehearsals are at 3:45 on Sundays, so I'll just be downtown earlier for Mass; I'm very excited about this.

Try New Things

This phrase, "Try new things," is, I have decided, going to be my grad school motto. I'm already on my way with living on my own in a new city, but I don't want it to stop there. There's only one thing I wish I had done differently in undergrad and that was get involved with Corn from the first year. After this past year, I wish I hadn't waited until senior year to get involved, but there's nothing I can do about that now. The only thing I can do is make sure that from this point forward, I'm not afraid to try things.

So, that being said, let me recap the weekend so far, starting on Friday morning. I had an interview here in town for a company that publishes math-based products, but has a side project compiling what is basically a phrase thesaurus. They're in the stage where they need humans to check what the computer has done to make sure that the uses the computer puts in are legitimate. It was a pretty short interview, but I got the job and start on Monday. The director/owner of the company said that he can't guarantee me work after the end of October, but that still gives me a couple of months to put some money away and get my bearings here. Plus, like my grandpa said, you never know when something temporary might turn into something permanent. We'll see where this goes, but for now, I'm just relieved to have a job.

After my interview, I met my family for lunch downtown, then we came back to my apartment to unload some of my brother's stuff. We said goodbye as I was going to my department orientation, which was really hard. Don't get me wrong, I'm really excited about everything that I'm doing, but I cried when I hugged everyone goodbye. That will be one of the biggest adjustments, I think, because I'm used to seeing my parents/brothers/grandparents at least 3 times a week, if not more. But I'll adjust, I know. And my dad's planning a trip down in a couple of weeks to bring me some chairs for my living room, so it's not like it will be months before I see anyone.

Department orientation was good. There are 16 of us that are coming in (or at least, according to the program director, have accepted the offer), and I've met about half so far. It looks like I've picked a program that's pretty close-knit; the 2nd years who were running the orientation talked about library study evenings and group think sessions and lots of professional development events that the GEA (Graduate English Association) sponsors. After a summer spent being a teacher, I'm ready to be a student again, and I'm so excited to start classes on Wednesday!

The first night was hard, I'm not going to lie. Pat and I got pizza, watched The Office, and hung out; I also started alphabetizing my books, a project that took me until last night to finish. I cried a little when I went to bed, but I woke up feeling better about life. It'll be good to have him so close-kind of like a little piece of home :)

Saturday morning I had the college-wide orientation/ethics in research seminar. The orientation part was useful; I found some people from my program that I had met the day before and we sat together. The ethics in research seminar was not quite as helpful. It was pretty much totally geared toward the sciences, with emphasis on what federal regulations/organizations controlled testing with animals and human participants, etc and the requisite bit about plagiarism. As one of the other students in my program said, "I write about dead guys. As long as I give them credit and everyone else who's written about them, I'm good to go." Nonetheless, it was at least good to have friends to sit with.

After the orientation, I headed further downtown for my brother to pick me up-it was freshman move-in on the street that my orientation was on, so the street was blocked off. As I was crossing a major intersection, I saw a girl that looked familiar: an MCG who I had Spanish with for 2 semesters freshman year. She's just moved down here for a job; it was so fun to see someone I knew. Once he picked me up, my day got boring: lunch, nap, grocery shopping, finishing my alphabetizing, dinner, cleaning up, then entertaining some of his friends. Actually, entertaining is an exaggeration; really, they just needed to get off campus so they came to hang out with him here.

That brings me to this morning, which so far has been quiet, except for my brother's snoring from the next room. My "new thing" for today is to go to Mass tonight with the Catholic Campus Ministry (CCM) at my school, something I wasn't into in undergrad, but think I ought to try here. I may end up at a parish yet, but the chaplain at the Del suggested that I might want to get involved here, so I'm going to give it a shot.

That's all I have for now; if you really made it to the end, you deserve a cookie. Or you should come see me :)

Jack on names

Yesterday in the car, coming back from downtown:

Jack: Mom, why didn't you name me Troodon (apparently his new favorite dinosaur)?

Mom: Umm.... well, it was on the list, but we liked John better.

Jack: Oh. Well, do me a favor. Start calling me Donny from now on, OK? Donny, like short for Troodon.

That child does beat all :)

Jack on leaving me here

Me (walking into my parents' room at the beach house and finding the bed trashed): Dude, you have totally destroyed this room!

Jack: Dude, you have totally destroyed my life!

Mom: Jack, that's not nice. You're going to miss her when we leave her here on Friday.

Jack (matter of factly): Mom, I know. I already cry in the night about it, OK?

Things I already love about my new school

1) It's in a beautiful city

2) The financial aid office was actually helpful-in 20 minutes, I had all my loan information in my online account; I went in and accepted and the whole year is taken care of.

3) My classes are within a few blocks of each other-yay!

Off to bed because I have to be downtown at 6 tomorrow morning (gag!) for first-come, first-served parking passes.

Leaving home

The Road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet.

And whither then? I cannot say

(The Fellowship of the Ring, J.R.R. Tolkien)

Today's my last day at home. I'm in the midst of packing, but my room's starting to look sad. All my books are gone, as well as the bookshelves. Honestly, at this point, I'm starting to have mixed feelings about going. I suppose that's normal, but here's where I am right now: so excited for all the new adventures that living in a new city and going to grad school will bring, but slightly terrified of being on my own. I'm so close to my family that being 4 hours away will be difficult.

But like Bilbo, I'm being called by the Road... for whatever reason, I'm supposed to be where I'm moving to, so I'm going. And I'll be back here, but I know that it won't be the same.

Things I Love Thursday: Beauty edition

I've decided to experiment with having themed Thursdays (man, I love alliteration!), so this week's theme is beauty. Here are, in no particular order, as usual, the things that I'm loving this week:

1. Rimmel Extra Super Lash Mascara

I like this mascara because the curved brush picks up every single last lash I have and it stays on for hours, which is wonderful when I'm busy (which would be, oh, I don't know, most of my life). It's cheap too, which is nice for my student budget.

2. Conair HS34r Compact Hairsetter
These hot rollers are a new purchase for me, but I've decided that with grad school (!) and real world job interviews (!!) coming up, I need to do something a bit classier than heading places with wet hair. I'm moving further south, so I can't fight the curl, but I figured there had to be a way that I could do it better. I think I've discovered it. It's a really easy set and it gives a nice curl (when you don't leave it in too long-I looked rather poodle-esque for a while this morning until I tamed it). I think I'm going for an Old Hollywood look, like Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca. We'll see, and I'll post a picture once I perfect it :)

3. Burt's Bees Super Shiny Lipgloss
Simply put, this makes my lips shiny without a lot of color, which is great for when I'm in the middle of a teaching day and don't have time to painstakingly reapply my lipstick.

4. Pond's Cold Cream
This vintage beauty cream is what my grandma uses and the smell reminds me of sleepovers at her house when I was little. It takes my makeup off wonderfully and makes my skin feel nice too.

5. Noxzema cleanser

This brand has been around for a while and has apparently always been sold in the blue jar. I like it because it wakes me up in the morning and leaves my face really soft, just like the Pond's does.

There you have it for this week! Come back next week to see if I'm feeling serious or frivolous

Dad on House Hunters

Me: "I'm soooo tired. But I want to watch the end of this episode. Wait, does House Hunters actually have episodes?"

Dad: "No, it's really more of a vignette."

Setting up house

I visited my paternal grandparents this afternoon and had a delightful visit with them; I hadn't seen them since I started working, so I told them all about my job, my apartment and everything that's happened recently. I also got quite a few heirloom things for my kitchen from them. Unfortunately, I've packed them all in moving boxes, so no pictures yet, but I have added the following things, among others, to my kitchen collection:

-2 glass jars with cork lids

-2 wine carafes

-my great-grandmother's cookie press

-a pie plate

-a muffin tin

-a couple of casserole dishes

-a teapot my grandparents received as a wedding gift, 51 years ago

Pictures will follow when I've moved and unpacked. I'm terribly excited, though, because I like things that have a story. Plus, it's nice to keep those kinds of things in the family.

Jack on dinosaurs

(Talking about apatosaurus)

"Yep, they were herbi-whores"